Contacting agencies/ studios

Below is the email template I sent out to a few companies I was interested in visiting their offices. 

I emailed the likes of Asos, Arcadia Group, Basso and Brookes, House of Holland and Illustrated people. 

Hello!

My name is Lisa Marina Burns, I am a student at Leeds College of Art studying Graphic Design. 
I have a huge interest in fashion, photography, digital design and print design for product and apparel. 

ASOS is a company I would love to work for after graduating! 

So I am writing to you to request a visit to your London studio/ office to gain an understating of the working environment. I would really appreciate a moment with a member of your team to talk about life working at ASOS. 

Many Thanks, Lisa Marina.